I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize