How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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