then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
