Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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