Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
