Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize