hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
