Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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