I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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