I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
false alarm. still invincible.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
