he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
