I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
