hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
