you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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