So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
More tranny stories later!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
