You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize