Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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