My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
