On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize