I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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