i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
