i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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