I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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