You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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