Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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