Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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