You just made me feel so damn special
What a fucking waste of an outfit
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
