Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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