I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
