And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
