Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
