We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
