How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
