i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize