If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
