Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
