Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
