super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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