I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
