I heard we made out
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
