if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
