Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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