hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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