so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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