I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How's work?
Spinning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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