He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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