my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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