Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize