All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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