I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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