There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
