Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
