I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
