I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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