pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
