I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
