Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
