his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
