What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry my hands just texted you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
