we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
