i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
