I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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