But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize