i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
