Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
