Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
