I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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