HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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