maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
