The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
