First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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