ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
