Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if i died would you start the facebook group?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize