I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
