why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
