weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
