what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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