guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
