fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize