i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
