i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
