Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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