Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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