I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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