then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
