remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
