True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
