I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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