I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
