There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize