I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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