There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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