Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize