Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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