just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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