Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize