break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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