I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
