what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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