She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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