He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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