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• (313): View more from Michigan

  this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.

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• (585): View more from New York

  So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Wasn't he an English major?

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.

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• (845): View more from New York

  The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us

  (845): View more from New York

  I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god

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• (281): View more from Texas

  You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life

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