So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
