i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
