Is it normal to miss your booty call?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize