I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
