it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
is this the sara with the beer cane?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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